diff --git a/My Clippings.txt b/My Clippings.txt
index 406f96a..4aa00d6 100755
--- a/My Clippings.txt	
+++ b/My Clippings.txt	
@@ -15787,3 +15787,1658 @@ La Métamorphose (Folio Classique) (French Edition) (Kafka, Franz)
 
 inhumaine que quiconque, des images empruntées
 ==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 3 | Location 206-209 | Added on Thursday, October 3, 2019 10:54:27 PM
+
+The human mind isn’t a unitary thing that sometimes has irrational feelings. It is a complex system of interacting parts, each with a mind of its own. It’s like an internal family--with wounded children, impulsive teenagers, rigid adults, hypercritical parents, caring friends, nurturing relatives, and so on. That’s why this new
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 3 | Location 206-209 | Added on Thursday, October 3, 2019 10:54:32 PM
+
+The human mind isn’t a unitary thing that sometimes has irrational feelings. It is a complex system of interacting parts, each with a mind of its own. It’s like an internal family--with wounded children, impulsive teenagers, rigid adults, hypercritical parents, caring friends, nurturing relatives, and so on. That’s why this new therapy approach is called Internal Family Systems Therapy.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 5 | Location 232-233 | Added on Thursday, October 3, 2019 10:57:44 PM
+
+real change rarely comes from intellectual insight alone.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 7 | Location 255-257 | Added on Thursday, October 3, 2019 11:02:57 PM
+
+When we have problems in life, IFS doesn’t see us as having a disease or deficit. It recognizes that we have the resources within us to solve our problems, though these resources may be blocked because of unconscious reactions to events in the past.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 10 | Location 284-285 | Added on Thursday, October 3, 2019 11:10:53 PM
+
+Any feeling reaction, thought sequence, behavior pattern, or body sensation can indicate the presence of a part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 11 | Location 306-308 | Added on Friday, October 4, 2019 10:54:02 PM
+
+every part has a positive intent for you. It may want to protect you from harm or help you feel good about yourself. It may want to keep you from feeling pain or make other people like you. Every part of you is trying to help you feel good and avoid pain.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 11 | Location 310-311 | Added on Friday, October 4, 2019 10:54:29 PM
+
+despite their best intentions, these parts don’t always act wisely; they take extreme stances or behave in clumsy and primitive ways.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 11 | Location 318-319 | Added on Friday, October 4, 2019 10:59:32 PM
+
+It distorted the present based on the past.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 12 | Location 335-338 | Added on Friday, October 4, 2019 11:03:50 PM
+
+In IFS, we do something altogether different and radical. We welcome all our parts with curiosity and compassion. We seek to understand each one and appreciate its efforts to help us, without losing sight of the ways it is causing problems. We develop a relationship of caring and trust with each part, and then take steps to heal it so it can function in a healthy way.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 20 | Location 450-451 | Added on Saturday, October 5, 2019 11:43:12 PM
+
+Parts are entities of their own, with their own feelings, beliefs, motivations, and memories.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 20 | Location 455-457 | Added on Saturday, October 5, 2019 11:43:57 PM
+
+Since parts are like little people inside you, you can make contact with them, get to know them, negotiate with them, encourage them to trust you, help them communicate with each other, and give them what they need to heal. When you do, you will have an enormously increased
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 20 | Location 455-457 | Added on Saturday, October 5, 2019 11:44:05 PM
+
+Since parts are like little people inside you, you can make contact with them, get to know them, negotiate with them, encourage them to trust you, help them communicate with each other, and give them what they need to heal.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 22 | Location 490-491 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 3:37:32 AM
+
+IFS focuses on parts that play extreme roles in order to heal and transform them, which is what you will learn to do in this book. There are two kinds of extreme parts—protectors and exiles.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 25 | Location 538-540 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 3:50:37 AM
+
+Exiles are young child parts that are in pain from the past. While protectors try to keep us from feeling pain, exiles are the parts in pain. They are the ones the protectors are trying to protect us from. Exiles are often stuck at a particular time in childhood,
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 25 | Location 538-540 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 3:50:44 AM
+
+Exiles are young child parts that are in pain from the past. While protectors try to keep us from feeling pain, exiles are the parts in pain. They are the ones the protectors are trying to protect us from. Exiles are often stuck at a particular time in childhood,
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 25 | Location 538-540 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 3:50:56 AM
+
+Exiles are young child parts that are in pain from the past. While protectors try to keep us from feeling pain, exiles are the parts in pain. They are the ones the protectors are trying to protect us from.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 26 | Location 562-563 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 3:55:04 AM
+
+unlovable and no one will want to be close to you. You might have an exile
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 26 | Location 561-562 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 3:55:11 AM
+
+In addition to painful emotions, exiles have negative beliefs about you and about the world.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 26 | Location 565-566 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:06:57 AM
+
+Because exiles hold pain from your past, they are pushed away by protectors. They are exiled from your inner life and kept in dark dungeons away from the light of consciousness.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 26 | Location 568-569 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:07:41 AM
+
+Whenever something happens in the present that is similar, it reactivates that pain, which comes bubbling up toward the surface. Then your protectors go into high gear to prevent you from having to feel it.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 29 | Location 611-614 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:17:34 AM
+
+We all have a core part of us that is our true self, our spiritual center. When our extreme parts are not activated and in the way, this is who we are. The Self is relaxed, open, and accepting of yourself and others. When you are in Self, you are grounded, centered, and non-reactive. You don’t get triggered by what people do. You remain calm and unruffled, even in difficult circumstances.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 30 | Location 629-630 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:21:56 AM
+
+The Self is connected.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 30 | Location 632-633 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:22:18 AM
+
+The Self is curious.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 30 | Location 637-637 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:23:53 AM
+
+The Self is compassionate.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 30 | Location 642-643 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:26:52 AM
+
+The Self is calm, centered, and grounded.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 31 | Location 647-648 | Added on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 10:28:45 AM
+
+For all these reasons, the Self is the agent of psychological healing in IFS work. It helps you to heal and transform your parts so they become free of their extreme feelings and behavior, and can assume healthy roles in your life.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 31 | Location 654-655 | Added on Thursday, October 17, 2019 11:00:31 PM
+
+The Self is the conductor of the orchestra,
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 32 | Location 666-667 | Added on Thursday, October 17, 2019 11:02:01 PM
+
+There are two goals for IFS therapy: one, heal your parts so that their extreme roles are converted to healthy roles, and two, help them to cooperate with each other under the leadership of the Self.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 34 | Location 691-692 | Added on Friday, October 18, 2019 10:43:45 PM
+
+As a result of childhood incidents, our exiles take on pain and negative beliefs, which, in IFS, are called burdens.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 54 | Location 1027-1028 | Added on Sunday, October 20, 2019 10:48:07 PM
+
+A trailhead is an experience or a difficulty in your life that will lead to interesting parts if you follow it.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 64 | Location 1172-1178 | Added on Monday, October 21, 2019 10:50:12 PM
+
+Exercise: Accessing a Part that Isn’t Activated Pick one of your parts that isn’t activated right now. Imagine that you are in a situation in which the part is activated and notice how that feels. From that place, try accessing the part using each of the channels—feeling, body, image, and internal voice. Write down what you experience: Name of part What it feels emotionally What it looks like What it feels like in your body and where What it says However, remember that it isn’t necessary to achieve access through all channels.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 67 | Location 1227-1231 | Added on Tuesday, October 22, 2019 11:25:06 PM
+
+Exercise: Accessing Parts from Your Current Experience Focus on your experience in the moment and access each of the parts you are aware of, one at a time. Use as many channels as you can. For each part, write down what you experience. Name of part What it feels emotionally What it looks like What it feels like in your body and where What it says
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 68 | Location 1236-1237 | Added on Tuesday, October 22, 2019 11:26:27 PM
+
+that isn’t activated at the moment, imagine a recent time when that trailhead
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 69 | Location 1257-1263 | Added on Tuesday, October 22, 2019 11:29:21 PM
+
+Exercise: Accessing Parts from a Trailhead Pick a trailhead that is important to you in your life. If it isn’t activated at the moment, imagine yourself in that trailhead situation or remember a recent time when you were. Notice what you feel in that situation. Access each of the parts you are aware of that are related to that trailhead, one at a time. Use as many channels as you can. For each part, write down what you experience: Name of part What it feels emotionally What it looks like What it feels like in your body and where What it says
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 70 | Location 1268-1271 | Added on Tuesday, October 22, 2019 11:32:09 PM
+
+You have three options for going about this: Start with a part you already know about and access it. Access all the parts activated at the current moment and then choose one to focus on. Start with a trailhead. Analyze it to see what parts are related to it and then choose one to access. Or access all the parts
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 70 | Location 1268-1272 | Added on Tuesday, October 22, 2019 11:32:15 PM
+
+You have three options for going about this: Start with a part you already know about and access it. Access all the parts activated at the current moment and then choose one to focus on. Start with a trailhead. Analyze it to see what parts are related to it and then choose one to access. Or access all the parts related to the trailhead experientially and then choose one.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 71 | Location 1290-1305 | Added on Tuesday, October 22, 2019 11:33:25 PM
+
+Exercise: Noticing a Part in Real Time Choose a part that is activated with some frequency in your life that you want to learn more about. Over the next week, you will practice noticing when this part is activated. First think about which cues that will tip you off that it is activated. What body sensations, thoughts, or emotions will let you know it is up? For example, a tight stomach, revenge fantasies, or feeling teary like a child. What behavior will cue you that the part has taken over? For example, withdrawing from your partner, taking over a conversation, or eating too much. What situations or people tend to activate this part? For example, meeting someone you are attracted to, giving a talk, or being disobeyed by your son. When are these likely to occur during the next week? Set an intention to be especially aware of whether this part becomes activated during those times. Each time you notice the part is triggered, access it briefly and take down brief notes about it. If you can’t stop at the moment to make notes, do it at your next break or as soon as you can. You want it to be fresh in your memory. At the end of each day, take a few minutes to review the day for moments when the part was activated. Add to your notes at this time. This daily review will also help you to keep this exercise in mind the next day. Notes to take each time it happens: Situation How you experience the part What about this situation triggered the part Don’t expect perfection. You probably won’t catch all the times this issue is activated or be clear about what is going on each time. That is very difficult to do. You may be driving or trying to get a project finished or talking with someone, for example, so it may be difficult to be aware of much else. That is fine. Just do the best you can.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 77 | Location 1366-1367 | Added on Wednesday, October 23, 2019 11:10:29 PM
+
+A part is blended with you and has taken over your seat of consciousness when any of the following is true:
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 77 | Location 1368-1368 | Added on Wednesday, October 23, 2019 11:10:53 PM
+
+You are flooded with the part’s emotions to such a degree that you aren’t grounded. You are lost in those feelings.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 77 | Location 1368-1368 | Added on Wednesday, October 23, 2019 11:11:02 PM
+
+You are flooded with the part’s emotions to such a degree that you aren’t grounded. You are lost in those feelings.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 77 | Location 1369-1371 | Added on Wednesday, October 23, 2019 11:11:13 PM
+
+You are caught up in the beliefs of the part so that you lose perspective on the situation. You see the world through the distorted perception of the part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 78 | Location 1373-1373 | Added on Wednesday, October 23, 2019 11:11:46 PM
+
+You don’t feel enough of your Self.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 81 | Location 1401-1402 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:26:06 PM
+
+You don’t need to be one-hundred percent in Self to work successfully with a part; you need to have a critical mass of Self available. You need just enough Self that you have a place to stand separate from the part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 81 | Location 1404-1405 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:26:26 PM
+
+To work with a part successfully, it is best if the part is activated but not too blended with you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 82 | Location 1415-1417 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:30:32 PM
+
+What you are feeling toward the part? Not what the part is feeling, but what you are feeling toward it, as if it were sitting in front of you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 82 | Location 1418-1419 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:31:07 PM
+
+you receive a clear answer to this question, the part probably isn’t blended with you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 82 | Location 1418-1419 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:31:14 PM
+
+If you receive a clear answer to this question, the part probably isn’t blended with you. If it is blended with you,
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 83 | Location 1428-1429 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:32:19 PM
+
+You can’t have a relationship with a part if there is only one of you. So you are asking the part to separate enough that you have a place to stand from which to connect with it. Parts
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 83 | Location 1428-1429 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:32:30 PM
+
+You can’t have a relationship with a part if there is only one of you. So you are asking the part to separate enough that you have a place to stand from which to connect with it.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 83 | Location 1441-1442 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:34:44 PM
+
+Sometimes a part won’t separate from you because it is afraid you will do something unwise if it does.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 84 | Location 1445-1446 | Added on Thursday, October 24, 2019 11:34:52 PM
+
+Just having this more extended conversation with a part helps to create separation.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 85 | Location 1477-1478 | Added on Friday, October 25, 2019 11:08:16 PM
+
+Many people use a meditation like this in order to start every session in Self.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 88 | Location 1529-1537 | Added on Friday, October 25, 2019 11:12:01 PM
+
+Exercise: Unblending from the Target Part Do a short IFS session with a part that is blended with you at the time. There are three ways to do this: When you are starting the session, see if there is a part blended with you. Choose that as your target part. If there is a part that is blended with you a lot and you know what external events tend to trigger it, arrange to do a session on a day when it is likely to be activated and blended with you. Do a session on the spur of the moment when a part is blended with you. Practice unblending as discussed in this chapter. Then go ahead and get to know the part a little. Ask what it is feeling or what it is concerned about. Ask it what it wants you to know about itself. If you are working with a partner, do this exercise with your partner. See Chapter 16 for advice on how to do this. You may also want to try it on your own.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 90 | Location 1566-1574 | Added on Friday, October 25, 2019 11:19:43 PM
+
+Exercise: Daily Parts Check-In For the next week, take a little time each day to check in with your parts. Notice which parts are activated at that moment as you learned to do in Chapter 4. By doing this regularly, you will get used to paying attention to your inner family. Plan a certain time each day to do this exercise. Some people prefer to do it first thing in the morning, others at night before they go to bed. Make a list of each part that is activated at that time. For each one, fill in the following answers, if you know them: Name of part What it feels What it looks like Where it is located in your body What it says How it makes you behave Don’t be concerned if you don’t know all this information about the part. Just fill in what you can.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 92 | Location 1592-1593 | Added on Sunday, October 27, 2019 10:53:02 PM
+
+This is a second form of unblending—where you separate from parts that feel negatively toward your target part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 93 | Location 1605-1606 | Added on Sunday, October 27, 2019 11:03:45 PM
+
+This means we need to be genuinely open to getting to know each part from a curious and compassionate place, which will encourage it to reveal itself.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 94 | Location 1618-1619 | Added on Sunday, October 27, 2019 11:07:52 PM
+
+I will call this the concerned part because it has concerns about the target part. It is fearful or worried about what kinds of problems that part will
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 94 | Location 1618-1620 | Added on Sunday, October 27, 2019 11:07:57 PM
+
+I will call this the concerned part because it has concerns about the target part. It is fearful or worried about what kinds of problems that part will cause.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 95 | Location 1624-1627 | Added on Sunday, October 27, 2019 11:09:27 PM
+
+A concerned part is a part that has a negative feeling toward the target part, or any feeling other than those of the Self (curiosity, compassion, and so on). Concerned parts are aware of the ways that the target part is causing trouble in your life. They may be concerned that it alienates you from people, for example, or makes you feel worthless or cuts off your emotions.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 96 | Location 1631-1633 | Added on Sunday, October 27, 2019 11:10:58 PM
+
+The target part wants to protect you from pain in its way, and the concerned part wants to protect you from the pain caused by the target part’s extreme behavior.
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+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 96 | Location 1637-1640 | Added on Sunday, October 27, 2019 11:12:24 PM
+
+I have now presented two classifications of parts—protector and exile, target part and concerned part. Let me clarify. Parts are intrinsically either protectors or exiles, depending on whether they are in pain or protecting against pain. Either one of these can also be a target part. That simply means you have chosen to focus on it. And any protector can also be a concerned part if it has concerns about your target part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 98 | Location 1674-1676 | Added on Wednesday, October 30, 2019 11:42:08 PM
+
+For example, if Sheila’s Judge agrees to step aside, she may now feel openly curious about what drives the Temper Tantrum part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 98 | Location 1674-1676 | Added on Wednesday, October 30, 2019 11:42:15 PM
+
+For example, if Sheila’s Judge agrees to step aside, she may now feel openly curious about what drives the Temper Tantrum part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 108 | Location 1831-1843 | Added on Thursday, October 31, 2019 11:37:28 PM
+
+Exercise: Unblending from a Concerned Part Choose a protector that you don’t like or have concerned feelings about. For example, you might judge it or be angry at it or want to get rid of it. You also might feel distant from it or scared of it. These attitudes come from a concerned part of you. First access the protector (P1), and then unblend from it, if necessary (P2). Then practice unblending from the concerned part (P3), as you have learned to do in this chapter. Then go ahead and get to know the protector at least a little (P4). Even though we haven’t covered this step yet, you probably have some idea about how to do this. Ask the part some questions to learn about it and its role in your life. Use the Help Sheet below to guide your steps. Refer to the sheet after each step to help you know what to do next. If you are working with a partner, I recommend that you do this exercise with her. (See Chapter 16 for tips on how to do this.) This recommendation holds for each chapter from now on. Most people find the work easier to do with a partner. In addition, when you commit yourself to a session time with your partner, you are more likely to follow through. The next page contains a Help Sheet which is a summary of the steps for getting to know a protector. It is meant to guide your steps while you are working on yourself or partnering with someone. I recommend you use it in doing the exercises in each chapter from now on.
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+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 109 | Location 1843-1868 | Added on Thursday, October 31, 2019 11:40:44 PM
+
+Help Sheet 1: Getting to Know a Protector P1. Accessing a Part If the part is not activated, imagine yourself in a recent situation when the part was activated. Sense the part in your body or evoke an image of the part. P2. Unblending Target Part Check to see if you are charged up with the part’s emotions or caught up in its beliefs right now. If so, you are blended. Check to see how you feel toward the target part right now. If you can’t tell, you may be blended. If you are blended with the target part, here are some options for unblending. Ask the part to separate from you so you can get to know it. Move back internally to separate from the part. See an image of the part at a distance from you or draw the part. Visualize the part in a room to provide a container for it. Do a short centering/grounding meditation. If the part doesn’t separate, ask what it is afraid would happen if it did. Explain to it the value of separating and reassure it about its fears. P3. Unblending Concerned Part Check to see how you feel toward the target part right now. If you feel compassionate, curious, and so on, you are in Self, so you can move on to P4. If you don’t, then unblend the concerned part: Ask the concerned part if it would be willing to step aside (or relax) just for now so you can get to know the target part from an open place. If it does, check again to see how you feel toward the target part, and repeat. If it isn’t willing to step aside, explain to it the value of stepping aside. If it still won’t, ask what it is afraid would happen if it did, and reassure it about its fears. If it still won’t, make the concerned part the target part and work with it. P4. Discovering a Protector’s Role Invite the part to tell you about itself. The part may answer in words, images, body sensations, emotions, or direct knowing. Here are questions you can ask the part: What do you feel? What are you concerned about? What is your role? What do you do to perform this role? What do you hope to accomplish by playing this role? What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this? P5. Developing a Trusting Relationship with a Protector You can foster trust by saying the following to the protector (if true): I understand why you (do your role). I appreciate your efforts on my behalf. I know you’ve been working very hard.
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+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 111 | Location 1869-1876 | Added on Thursday, October 31, 2019 11:44:04 PM
+
+Exercise: Keeping Track of Your Parts Look at the list of parts you made in Chapter 4. Add to this list all the new parts you have discovered since then, with descriptive paragraphs for each. Add information to the descriptions of the old parts, reflecting anything new you have learned about them since then. For each part, include the following information (if you know it): Name of protector What it feels What it looks like Where it is located in your body What it says How it makes you behave What situations activate it What concerned parts react to it Other information Each time you do a session or exercise, add to your list and descriptions
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 112 | Location 1889-1891 | Added on Thursday, October 31, 2019 11:46:57 PM
+
+Protectors believe they must perform their roles to prevent you from being harmed, even if this inadvertently gets you in serious trouble. Knowing this will help you to understand and have compassion for them—and ultimately to transform them.
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+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 114 | Location 1918-1919 | Added on Thursday, October 31, 2019 11:50:35 PM
+
+It is best to have your eyes closed and be free of distractions for this work and, in fact, for the entire IFS session. This allows you to feel your body, see images, and hear internal dialogue more clearly.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 119 | Location 2006-2006 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 1:02:23 AM
+
+Sometimes the name of a part will change over time as you get to know it better, just like the image. Allow this to happen.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 119 | Location 2012-2013 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 1:05:38 AM
+
+The most potent question is: “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t perform your role?”
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 126 | Location 2145-2153 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:16:26 PM
+
+Exercise: Getting to Know a Protector Choose a protector to get to know. Do a session in which you follow all four steps you have learned so far, P1-P4. Use the Help Sheet from Chapter 6 to keep track of the steps. If you are working with a partner, the partner should also follow along on the Help Sheet. When you are finished, write down what you learned about the part: Name What it feels What it looks like Where it is located in your body What it says How it makes you behave What situations activate it What concerned parts react to it What its positive intent is What it is protecting you from Other information
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 127 | Location 2154-2155 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:21:22 PM
+
+Whenever you are ending a session, it is a good idea to take a moment to connect respectfully with the parts you have worked with and bring closure
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 127 | Location 2154-2156 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:21:30 PM
+
+Whenever you are ending a session, it is a good idea to take a moment to connect respectfully with the parts you have worked with and bring closure to the work. It’s like saying good-bye to a friend at the end of a visit.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 130 | Location 2207-2223 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:51:42 PM
+
+Exercise: Working with a Trailhead in Real Time Choose a trailhead that you are curious about. The exercise is to notice, over the next week, when this trailhead is activated and then access the parts involved. It will help to know what cues will tip you off that it is activated. What kinds of situations or people tend to activate this trailhead? When are these trigger situations likely to occur during the next week? Set an intention to be especially aware, during those times, of whether this part becomes activated. There are also other ways to notice a trailhead. What body sensations, thoughts, or emotions will let you know it is up? What behavior will cue you? Each time you notice the trailhead, access each part briefly and make a list of them. If you can’t stop at the moment to make the list, do it at your next break, or as soon as you can. To help you keep on track with this exercise, take a little time each night before you go to bed to think about whether this trailhead came up that day. If so, did you access the parts involved? If you didn’t, what kept you from doing this? Did you fail to notice that it was activated? Did you notice but not do the exercise? If you did the exercise, what did you learn from it? Take notes and try to answer the above five questions each night. This daily review will also help you to keep the exercise in mind the next day. Don’t expect yourself to catch all the times this trailhead is activated or to access the parts each time. This is very difficult to do. If you are driving or in the midst of a conversation, for example, it’s hard to pull your attention away and tune into the workings of your mind. Just do the best you can.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 132 | Location 2237-2239 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:56:46 PM
+
+So far you have learned how to access a protector and find out about it. It isn’t enough to just gain information and insight; you must develop a real relationship with a protector. A crucial part of your success in IFS depends on the degree to
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 132 | Location 2237-2240 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:56:56 PM
+
+So far you have learned how to access a protector and find out about it. It isn’t enough to just gain information and insight; you must develop a real relationship with a protector. A crucial part of your success in IFS depends on the degree to which you are connected with each protector so that it trusts you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 133 | Location 2244-2247 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 6:01:33 PM
+
+In reality, most protectors are child parts that developed their protective strategy when you were young and didn’t have the capacity to act in skillful and mature ways. So their actions are simplistic and often extreme like a child’s, and their strategies carry over into adulthood. When a protector is faced with a situation that it perceives as threatening, it will act the only way it knows how, using the tactic it learned in childhood, which is usually dysfunctional in your adult life.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 134 | Location 2262-2263 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 11:39:21 PM
+
+This is a common dynamic. A protective strategy that worked well and was appropriate in childhood is carried over into adult situations, where it is completely outmoded.
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+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 135 | Location 2279-2281 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 11:42:20 PM
+
+In IFS, healing exiles is a central aspect of the work, but it is important not to rush it. Don’t say, “Oh, here’s a protector. Just move aside please, and let me access the important part, the exile.” Take the time to develop a relationship with each of your protectors.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 135 | Location 2284-2284 | Added on Sunday, November 3, 2019 11:42:53 PM
+
+Honor the part for trying to help you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 137 | Location 2328-2330 | Added on Monday, November 4, 2019 11:25:40 PM
+
+Check to see if you understand and appreciate the protector’s efforts on your behalf, even if its actions cause problems. If you don’t feel appreciation, this might stem from your not understanding the protector’s positive intent.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 139 | Location 2350-2353 | Added on Tuesday, November 5, 2019 10:43:51 PM
+
+The reason for their restricted vision is that many parts are much more narrow and one dimensional than a whole person is. They have a limited understanding of both the external situation confronting them and your internal system. When triggered, they tend to respond in stereotypical ways, and they’re not particularly sophisticated or intelligent. Not all parts are like this, however. Some can be quite clever and subtle, but most of them are pretty shortsighted.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 142 | Location 2384-2392 | Added on Tuesday, November 5, 2019 10:49:41 PM
+
+Exercise: Developing a Trusting Relationship with a Protector Do a session in which you get to know a protector, using steps P1-P5 that you have now learned. Pay particular attention to step P5 from this chapter. Follow the Help Sheet to keep track of the steps. When you are finished, write down what you have learned about the part: Name What it feels What it looks like Where it is located in your body What it says How it makes you behave What situations activate it What concerned parts react to it What its positive intent is What it is protecting you from What you understand or appreciate about the part How the part responded to your saying that
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 148 | Location 2490-2491 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 9:26:14 PM
+
+A crucial first step is to find out exactly what it doesn’t trust in you.
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+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 154 | Location 2588-2596 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 9:38:41 PM
+
+Exercise: Gaining a Part’s Trust Choose a protector that you have tried to work with that hasn’t been responsive to you. In what ways has it not responded to you? First make sure that you are in Self with respect to this part and not blended with any concerned parts. If you discover any concerned parts, ask them to step aside so you are truly in Self. Concerned parts Check to see if this protector will now talk to you. If it still won’t, work with it as discussed in this chapter and see if you can gain its trust. Answer the following questions about this work: What does the part not trust about you? What happened in the past to make it mistrustful? This may take more than one session.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 155 | Location 2616-2632 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 9:42:51 PM
+
+Exercise: Helping a Protector to Relax in Real Time Think of a situation in which a protector gets triggered that causes you to behave in a problematic way. Do a session in which you get to know the protector that is causing the difficulty. Form a trusting relationship with this protector. Name of protector Describe how it behaves If you were able to act from Self, how would you like to behave? Ask the protector if it will let you lead the next time you are in such a situation. (Make sure you have the life skills to pull off the positive behavior you are aiming for.) If it says no, ask why, and then work with that protector to get to the point where it will agree. Think about when this situation is likely to occur over the next few weeks. Set an intention to be aware of whether this protector takes over at those times. When it does, work with it as described above to help it relax and let you lead. If this works, take notes on what happened as soon as you can. What did your behavior look like when you were leading from Self? What were the results? Continue to track this kind of situation over the next few weeks, doing this exercise each time the part is activated. Each evening before you go to bed, review the day to see if the situation arose, and take notes (or expand your notes) on what happened when you did this exercise. If the protector allowed you to lead and things turned out well, check to see if it now trusts you more. If you didn’t notice the situation at the time or you didn’t do the exercise, explore what got in the way. If this is a situation that doesn’t come up very often, it wouldn’t make sense to do this review every night. You might decide to review once a week. Choose a time frame that is appropriate.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 157 | Location 2647-2648 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 10:52:01 PM
+
+Our goal during a session is to stay on track while still being open to any parts that arise.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 158 | Location 2663-2665 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 10:54:08 PM
+
+There are six common types of protectors that can derail your work—judgmental parts, avoiders, intellectualizers, impatient parts, inadequate parts, and skeptics.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 160 | Location 2687-2688 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 10:58:04 PM
+
+Once you realize that you are blended with a Judgmental Part, ask it to step aside so you can get to know the target part from an open place.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 160 | Location 2692-2693 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 10:58:44 PM
+
+Here is another common occurrence. You begin to feel impatient with your IFS session; without warning, you want to stop and attend to other things in your life.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 160 | Location 2700-2701 | Added on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 10:59:52 PM
+
+Normally these thoughts or stimuli wouldn’t grab your attention, but the Avoidant Part latches onto them as a way of preventing you from going through with the work. This part is using distraction as a means of avoidance.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 161 | Location 2711-2711 | Added on Thursday, November 7, 2019 10:50:49 PM
+
+Keep in mind that it really isn’t possible to do the IFS process badly.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 162 | Location 2723-2724 | Added on Thursday, November 7, 2019 11:01:55 PM
+
+When you are getting to know a protector, it is common to think you are in Self when in fact an Intellectualizer Part has taken over. One sign of this is that you analyze the target part rather than asking questions and listening for its responses.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 166 | Location 2795-2796 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 9:56:11 PM
+
+Skepticism can be very useful if it is applied at the right time. At the wrong time, it will derail the process.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 166 | Location 2802-2805 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 9:56:43 PM
+
+Exercise: Parts Detection Do an IFS session starting with a protector. Before you start, write on a piece of paper the following words: Judgmental, Avoider, Intellectualizer, Impatient, Inadequate, Skeptic. Set an intention to notice whether any of these parts get activated while you are doing the session. If so, work with them as described in this chapter. If you have a partner, ask her to be on the lookout for these parts as well.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 170 | Location 2877-2881 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 10:04:58 PM
+
+It can be useful to access all parts as they arise, because this gives them a chance to be heard, but in the scenario I outlined above, the parts jumped in on each other so fast that none of them really got much attention. And you couldn’t progress toward healing because you kept getting derailed. IFS provides a way to follow one thread at a time through the tapestry of your psyche until you have unraveled it and healed the part it represents. Plan to stay with the target part you have chosen unless you have a good reason to switch to a different target part. Ask the other parts to step aside.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 172 | Location 2901-2902 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 10:08:39 PM
+
+Be judicious in your choice to change target parts. Be careful that you don’t switch parts in order to avoid something painful or frightening.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 172 | Location 2910-2911 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 10:09:43 PM
+
+There is no intellectual way to distinguish one part from another. It’s simply intuitive.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 173 | Location 2920-2922 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 10:10:41 PM
+
+In IFS, we want to welcome all our parts, but we don’t want to be overwhelmed by them. A good way to handle this is to slow down, take a deep breath, and feel your belly and legs. This will help to ground you. Then take your time and pay attention to one emotion (and therefore one part) at a time.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 176 | Location 2976-2977 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 10:18:00 PM
+
+we don’t waste time trying to induce the protector to change. We simply ask permission to work with the exile it is guarding and then move on to healing that child
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 176 | Location 2976-2977 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 10:18:04 PM
+
+we don’t waste time trying to induce the protector to change. We simply ask permission to work with the exile it is guarding and then move on to healing that child
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 176 | Location 2976-2977 | Added on Friday, November 8, 2019 10:18:08 PM
+
+we don’t waste time trying to induce the protector to change. We simply ask permission to work with the exile it is guarding and then move on to healing that child part.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 179 | Location 3014-3015 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 3:33:40 PM
+
+A central principle in IFS is: We don’t work with an exile until we have permission from any protectors that might object.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 180 | Location 3024-3024 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 3:35:43 PM
+
+Sometimes the emotions of the exile come up while you are working with the protector.
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+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 180 | Location 3028-3029 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 3:37:38 PM
+
+Sometimes you get an image of the exile behind or below the image of the protector, or you see their relationship in some other way.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 180 | Location 3031-3032 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:27:46 PM
+
+You can ask the protector what it is afraid would happen if it didn’t perform its role. This answer frequently points toward the exile because the reason the protector is there is to guard the exile.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 180 | Location 3037-3037 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:28:18 PM
+
+Sometimes one protector looks out for several exiles, or several protectors all guard a single exile.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 181 | Location 3050-3053 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:31:00 PM
+
+There is a powerful advantage to understanding that there are two parts involved. Though the protector is keeping you from the pain, it may not realize that there is an exile that is already feeling the pain. It may think it is actually preventing the pain from existing at all rather than preventing you from feeling what the exile is already experiencing.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 182 | Location 3064-3064 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:32:55 PM
+
+Some protectors say that you will be flooded or overwhelmed by the exile’s pain.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 182 | Location 3068-3069 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:34:59 PM
+
+Normally, we flip back and forth between two extremes. Either we are caught in an exile’s pain or we are closed off behind a protector’s defenses.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 182 | Location 3071-3072 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:35:32 PM
+
+helps you to work with the exile from the safe vantage point of Self.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 182 | Location 3071-3072 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:35:40 PM
+
+IFS does something quite different from either of these options. It helps you to work with the exile from the safe vantage point of Self.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 183 | Location 3094-3096 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:43:16 PM
+
+longer have a role to play in your psyche and therefore will lose power or disappear. This seems like death, and it doesn’t want this to happen. Parts tend to resist being eliminated; they don’t want to die.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 183 | Location 3093-3096 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:43:20 PM
+
+The protector says that if it allows you to heal the exile, it will no longer have a role to play in your psyche and therefore will lose power or disappear. This seems like death, and it doesn’t want this to happen. Parts tend to resist being eliminated; they don’t want to die.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 184 | Location 3096-3097 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:43:45 PM
+
+can explain to the protector that if it lets you heal the exile and its current role becomes unnecessary, it doesn’t have to go away. It can choose a new role in your psyche.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 184 | Location 3096-3097 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:43:51 PM
+
+You can explain to the protector that if it lets you heal the exile and its current role becomes unnecessary, it doesn’t have to go away. It can choose a new role in your psyche. A part isn’t defined by its role or job.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 184 | Location 3100-3101 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 4:44:20 PM
+
+For example, an Intellectualizer whose job has been to avoid emotions might choose to be a philosopher who contemplates the meaning of life.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 186 | Location 3145-3148 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 11:03:56 PM
+
+For example, it is afraid of activating a protector that would fly into a rage or go on a drinking binge. It might not be wrong; this is sometimes a real possibility. There are extreme protectors, and in IFS they are called firefighters. They jump in impulsively to douse the fire of an exile’s pain when it is starting to come up. They have no concern for the possible destructive consequences of their actions. They just want to stop the pain at any cost.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 189 | Location 3198-3200 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 11:10:08 PM
+
+However, sometimes protectors pop up later. While you are working with the exile, if a protector feels threatened by the pain that is coming up from the exile, it may reactivate to block that pain. You may get sleepy or distracted. You may go into your head or get angry.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 195 | Location 3298-3306 | Added on Saturday, November 9, 2019 11:18:44 PM
+
+Exercise: Getting Permission to Work with an Exile Do a session in which you practice getting permission from a protector to work with the exile it guards. If possible, choose a protector that you have already become acquainted with. Re-access the protector, make sure you are in Self, and finish discovering its positive intent and developing a trusting relationship with it, as covered in Chapters 7 and 8. Then recognize who the exile is and work on getting permission to contact it, as covered in this chapter. Once you have permission, invite the exile to tell you or show you what it feels. Take notes on what you discover: Protector Positive intent What it is afraid would happen if it didn’t play its role Exile What the protector is afraid would happen if you contacted the exile What the exile feels
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 198 | Location 3322-3323 | Added on Sunday, November 10, 2019 9:24:31 PM
+
+Most of the time, we don’t notice the exile because exiles are pushed out of consciousness. If we notice anything, it is the behavior of the protector because it is the protectors that control our behavior.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 198 | Location 3326-3329 | Added on Sunday, November 10, 2019 9:25:09 PM
+
+To summarize: In most situations that trigger us, at least two parts are involved. The exile is usually triggered first and then the protector, which pops up to guard it. However, the protector may pop up so quickly that we don’t notice the exile at all. In fact, that is usually the protector’s mission—to prevent us from feeling the pain of the exile.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 198 | Location 3339-3340 | Added on Sunday, November 10, 2019 9:27:07 PM
+
+when you are exploring an issue, it always involves an exile, either directly or indirectly.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 200 | Location 3360-3361 | Added on Sunday, November 10, 2019 9:32:55 PM
+
+IFS has discovered a way to explore an exile’s pain safely. You stay in Self and relate to the exile; you don’t become the exile. If you merged with the exile and lost contact with the Self, the pain really could be overwhelming.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 201 | Location 3379-3382 | Added on Sunday, November 10, 2019 9:39:13 PM
+
+Explain to the exile that you will be able to hear his story and help him if you remain in Self. You are not asking the exile to block his feelings; you aren’t suggesting that he shouldn’t feel his emotions. You are simply asking him to keep those feelings separate from you so you can be in a solid place to help. This is one of the most powerful innovations of the IFS method.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 202 | Location 3397-3398 | Added on Sunday, November 10, 2019 9:41:13 PM
+
+The goal is to feel very close to the exile emotionally while still remaining separate.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 204 | Location 3430-3432 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 9:03:49 PM
+
+Experiencing the exile’s pain in this way means that you are simultaneously in Self and consciously blended with the exile. The exile is showing you her emotion by having you feel it. That is fine as long as you can tolerate this experience and you remain centered and able to be there for the exile, and as long as this doesn’t trigger any protectors.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 205 | Location 3442-3443 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 9:06:01 PM
+
+Most of the time, exiles don’t need us to take on their pain; witnessing is enough.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 205 | Location 3445-3446 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 9:07:16 PM
+
+If you are feeling judgmental, angry, or scared of the exile, or if you want it to go away, you aren’t in Self. You are blended with a concerned part
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 206 | Location 3463-3465 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 9:11:24 PM
+
+The protector might feel judgmental towards the exile because she is scared or insecure or weak, or just because she is too emotional. These judgments usually mirror the attitudes your parents had toward you when you were young, since protectors sometimes model themselves after your parents.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 206 | Location 3471-3472 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 9:13:25 PM
+
+It isn’t enough to be curious and open with an exile the way you would with a protector because compassion is vitally necessary for healing an exile’s suffering.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 206 | Location 3475-3478 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 9:14:44 PM
+
+Empathy is a way of resonating with another person’s feelings (or with an exile’s feelings). Compassion is a feeling of loving kindness toward someone (or an exile) in pain. Empathy often leads to compassion; you resonate with someone’s pain, which stimulates your compassion for him or her. Therefore, the two often occur together. However, it is important to understand how they are different, especially in relating to your exiles.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 207 | Location 3484-3485 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 9:17:52 PM
+
+They were injured when young, and then they were dismissed by us because we couldn’t handle their pain. So they have been in eternal exile.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 210 | Location 3540-3540 | Added on Monday, November 11, 2019 11:14:31 PM
+
+Exiles want to be heard; they want to have their pain witnessed and understood.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 214 | Location 3602-3611 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 8:43:48 PM
+
+Exercise: Getting to Know an Exile Do a session in which you get to know an exile. If possible, start with one that you already have permission to work with, and then proceed through Steps E1-E5. Use Help Sheet 2 below (along with Help Sheet 1) to guide you through the steps. If such an exile isn’t ready, start with a protector. Go through the steps to get to know it, discover the exile it is guarding, and get permission before proceeding through the exile steps. Then fill in the answers below that are relevant to your work. Exile What the exile would be afraid of, if it separated from you Concerned parts and their fears Exile’s feelings What situations cause it to feel that way How you feel toward the exile How the exile is responding to you
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 214 | Location 3612-3613 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 8:46:15 PM
+
+I recommend you use it in conjunction with Help Sheet 1 from Chapter 6 in your future practice. Help
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 214 | Location 3613-3638 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 8:46:29 PM
+
+Help Sheet 2: Getting to Know an Exile 2. Getting Permission to Work With an Exile If necessary, ask the protector to show you the exile. Ask its permission to get to know the exile. If it won’t give permission, ask what it is afraid would happen if you accessed the exile. Possibilities are: The exile has too much pain. Explain that you will stay in Self and get to know the exile, not dive into its pain. There isn’t any point in going into the pain. Explain that there is a point—you can heal the exile. The protector will have no role and therefore be eliminated. Explain that the protector can choose a new role in your psyche. 3. Getting to Know an Exile E1: Accessing an Exile Sense its emotions, feel it in your body, or get an image of it. E2: Unblending From an Exile If you are blended with an exile: Ask the exile to contain its feelings so you can be there for it. Consciously separate from the exile and return to Self. Get an image of the exile at a distance from you. Do a centering/grounding induction. If the exile won’t contain its feelings: Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it did. Explain that you really want to witness its feelings and story, but you need to be separate to do that. Conscious blending: If you can tolerate it, allow yourself to feel the exile’s pain. E3: Unblending Concerned Parts Check how you feel toward the exile. If you aren’t in Self or don’t feel compassion, unblend from any concerned parts. They are usually afraid of your becoming overwhelmed by the exile’s pain. Explain that you will stay in Self and not let the exile overwhelm. E4: Finding Out about an Exile Ask: What do you feel? What makes you feel so scared or hurt (or any other feeling)? E5: Developing a Trusting Relationship with an Exile Let the exile know that you want to hear its story. Communicate to it that you feel compassion and caring toward it. Check to see if the exile can sense you there and notice how if it is taking in your compassion. Exercise: Noticing an Exile in Real Time Choose an exile that you have already gotten to know.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 214 | Location 3613-3636 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 8:46:47 PM
+
+Help Sheet 2: Getting to Know an Exile 2. Getting Permission to Work With an Exile If necessary, ask the protector to show you the exile. Ask its permission to get to know the exile. If it won’t give permission, ask what it is afraid would happen if you accessed the exile. Possibilities are: The exile has too much pain. Explain that you will stay in Self and get to know the exile, not dive into its pain. There isn’t any point in going into the pain. Explain that there is a point—you can heal the exile. The protector will have no role and therefore be eliminated. Explain that the protector can choose a new role in your psyche. 3. Getting to Know an Exile E1: Accessing an Exile Sense its emotions, feel it in your body, or get an image of it. E2: Unblending From an Exile If you are blended with an exile: Ask the exile to contain its feelings so you can be there for it. Consciously separate from the exile and return to Self. Get an image of the exile at a distance from you. Do a centering/grounding induction. If the exile won’t contain its feelings: Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it did. Explain that you really want to witness its feelings and story, but you need to be separate to do that. Conscious blending: If you can tolerate it, allow yourself to feel the exile’s pain. E3: Unblending Concerned Parts Check how you feel toward the exile. If you aren’t in Self or don’t feel compassion, unblend from any concerned parts. They are usually afraid of your becoming overwhelmed by the exile’s pain. Explain that you will stay in Self and not let the exile overwhelm. E4: Finding Out about an Exile Ask: What do you feel? What makes you feel so scared or hurt (or any other feeling)? E5: Developing a Trusting Relationship with an Exile Let the exile know that you want to hear its story. Communicate to it that you feel compassion and caring toward it. Check to see if the exile can sense you there and notice how if it is taking in your compassion.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 216 | Location 3637-3643 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 8:51:56 PM
+
+Exercise: Noticing an Exile in Real Time Choose an exile that you have already gotten to know. Over the next week, notice when this exile becomes activated. To help you with this, think of the kinds of situations that usually trigger this exile. When are those situations likely to occur this week? Each time you are in one, pay careful attention to see if the exile is triggered. If it is, what does it feel? Does a protector become activated to guard against this exile? If so, which protector and how does it act? If there is no protector, how does the exile act?
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 217 | Location 3652-3655 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 8:54:37 PM
+
+One of the major forces behind our psychological issues is the pain we carry from childhood. The IFS perspective on this is that our exiles carry burdens. A burden is a painful feeling or negative belief about yourself or the world—for example, abandonment, worthlessness, fear of being hit, or shame. An exile ends up carrying a burden into the present because a harmful incident or relationship from the past, usually from childhood, was not metabolized.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 219 | Location 3671-3673 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 10:22:17 PM
+
+Whenever you endure a painful or difficult experience, it must be fully processed and metabolized for your psyche to stay healthy. You must fully feel the experience, make sense of it, and integrate it into your notion of who you are in a way that doesn’t leave you with a negative, inaccurate view of yourself. Even experiences in adult life must be metabolized in this way.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 220 | Location 3685-3688 | Added on Tuesday, November 12, 2019 10:25:23 PM
+
+As a child, you often don’t have the resources to metabolize difficult incidents. You can’t do it on your own, so you need a great deal of sensitive support from your parents or other adults. The more painful and traumatic an experience, the more you need support to be able to metabolize it. And this support often isn’t available, either because your parents don’t realize you need it or because they don’t have the capacity to provide it. Or, worst of all, because your parents were the source of the traumatic incident.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 222 | Location 3724-3726 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:16:02 PM
+
+Though you may believe that implicit memories aren’t important, they can be just as useful for healing as explicit ones. When one arises, witness it and encourage the exile to let you know more about it. Just be open and interested.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 223 | Location 3738-3739 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:18:45 PM
+
+The exile might also show you a symbolic memory, which is an image that represents in symbolic form something that happened to you, just as a dream can signify something psychological.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 223 | Location 3749-3750 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:21:35 PM
+
+There are two primary aspects to any memory—what happened and how that made the exile feel. Make sure she shows you both, if possible.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 224 | Location 3758-3760 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:32:59 PM
+
+While a protector might use anger as a way to defend against deeper pain, exiles often carry anger as well. An exile’s anger isn’t a defense and needs to be fully witnessed.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 225 | Location 3778-3779 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:36:36 PM
+
+If you have a purely intellectual understanding of the memory, that probably won’t lead to healing. The memory must be opened up emotionally and intellectually so it is both felt and understood.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 226 | Location 3789-3790 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:38:55 PM
+
+The exile understands that the burden she is carrying is from the past and not intrinsic to her. For example, a child part who feels worthless learns
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 226 | Location 3789-3789 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:38:59 PM
+
+The exile understands that the burden she is carrying is from the past and not intrinsic to her.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 227 | Location 3794-3795 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:40:37 PM
+
+When something harmful or traumatic happens to you as a child, an exile takes on the pain, and a protector often takes on the role of stopping the pain.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 227 | Location 3794-3797 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:41:08 PM
+
+When something harmful or traumatic happens to you as a child, an exile takes on the pain, and a protector often takes on the role of stopping the pain. Its goal is to keep the incident from happening again or to stop you from being overwhelmed by the pain. The protector’s role is its burden, in contrast to the exile, whose burden is the pain (or negative belief). It is important to note that not all protectors take on their jobs at the time of a childhood trauma; some do it later in life.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 227 | Location 3802-3803 | Added on Wednesday, November 13, 2019 9:42:07 PM
+
+Instead of getting to know the exile first and then asking for the memory, you can ask the protector for the memory directly. You do this in the same way you would with an exile.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 233 | Location 3929-3936 | Added on Thursday, November 14, 2019 10:50:55 PM
+
+Exercise: Accessing and Witnessing a Childhood Memory Do a session in which you access the childhood memory of an exile and witness it. If possible, start with an exile that you already have permission to access and have worked with to some extent. If you don’t have one this far along, start with a protector and go through the steps to get to know it, discover its exile, and get to know her. Then access and witness the childhood origins of her pain as you have learned to do in this chapter. Exile Exile’s feelings and beliefs What happened in childhood How that made the exile feel How you feel toward the exile now Does the exile feel that you understand how bad it was?
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 235 | Location 3945-3950 | Added on Thursday, November 14, 2019 10:53:34 PM
+
+Our parts take on burdens because of painful or traumatic experiences in childhood that we can’t metabolize at the time. We can’t change those experiences; they have already happened. However, we can change their effect on us. It isn’t the experiences themselves that determine how we feel and behave in our adult lives; it is the residue of those experiences in our psyches, which IFS refers to as burdens. Your current issues are caused by the way your psyche was structured by your childhood to hold certain beliefs, body tensions, and emotions. So while you can’t change the past, you can change the way the past is codified in your mind.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 236 | Location 3959-3960 | Added on Thursday, November 14, 2019 10:58:46 PM
+
+Here is how you reparent the exile: In your imagination, you join the exile in that original childhood situation
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 236 | Location 3962-3964 | Added on Thursday, November 14, 2019 10:58:58 PM
+
+Be with the exile in the way she needed someone to be with her then. She may need understanding, caring, support, approval, protection from harm, encouragement, or love. Sense what she needs from you in that situation to heal her and redress what happened.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 236 | Location 3969-3971 | Added on Thursday, November 14, 2019 10:59:25 PM
+
+The reparenting process actually lays down new neural pathways in the brain. That is why your psyche and your life can change so dramatically. You give that child part a new experience of some aspect of your childhood, an experience that heals or replaces the old one.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 238 | Location 3996-3997 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 8:27:37 PM
+
+Reparenting can’t be faked. You must genuinely feel love or caring or respect for the exile. You must really feel like giving her what she needs
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 239 | Location 4014-4015 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 8:31:52 PM
+
+An inner child becomes satisfied fairly easily with just a little attention every day. It doesn’t take much time at all.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 239 | Location 4024-4026 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 8:32:59 PM
+
+Even though we obviously don’t want to act that way in the real world, sometimes violent fantasies can help an exile to feel stronger and more fully protected.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 239 | Location 4026-4027 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 8:33:12 PM
+
+Whatever the exile needs, your goal is to arrange it for her. And this may mean altering the incident, reworking it so it happens exactly the way the exile needs, the way that will be most healing for her.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 239 | Location 4026-4028 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 8:33:27 PM
+
+Whatever the exile needs, your goal is to arrange it for her. And this may mean altering the incident, reworking it so it happens exactly the way the exile needs, the way that will be most healing for her. This doesn’t mean that you will forget what really happened, but your psyche will be restructured so that the new experience has the primary influence on the way you feel and behave in the present.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 240 | Location 4036-4037 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 8:36:24 PM
+
+This will lay down new “memories,” new neural connections that will free the exile from the burdens of the past and allow you to feel better about yourself in the present.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 240 | Location 4037-4042 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 8:36:58 PM
+
+So far I have been talking about the original childhood situation as if it involved a parent or parents. However, it can revolve around your brother or sister, or the entire family. It might involve an aunt, uncle, or grandparent. It might even be about the bullies on the playground. That original situation could be an incident in your adult life in which you suffered trauma. (If you’re sent to Iraq, for example, you very well might end up with new burdens.) No matter who was involved or when it happened, the principles remain the same. Act in whatever way the exile needs to rework the situation for the better. Make it come out in a way that lays down a new memory that is healing and freeing for the exile.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 248 | Location 4181-4188 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 10:57:21 PM
+
+Exercise: Reparenting and Retrieving an Exile Do a session in which you give an exile the reparenting and retrieval it needs. If possible, start with an exile that you already have worked with to some extent. If you don’t have one, start with a protector, get to know it, get permission to work with its exile, and witness the childhood memory. Then reparent the exile as you have learned to do in this chapter, and also retrieve it if appropriate. Use Help Sheet 3 below (along with 1 and 2) to guide you in this session. Exile What happened in childhood How that made the exile feel What form of reparenting you gave the exile If the exile needed to be retrieved, where did you take
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 248 | Location 4181-4188 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 10:57:35 PM
+
+Exercise: Reparenting and Retrieving an Exile Do a session in which you give an exile the reparenting and retrieval it needs. If possible, start with an exile that you already have worked with to some extent. If you don’t have one, start with a protector, get to know it, get permission to work with its exile, and witness the childhood memory. Then reparent the exile as you have learned to do in this chapter, and also retrieve it if appropriate. Use Help Sheet 3 below (along with 1 and 2) to guide you in this session. Exile What happened in childhood How that made the exile feel What form of reparenting you gave the exile If the exile needed to be retrieved, where did you take it?
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 249 | Location 4191-4210 | Added on Friday, November 15, 2019 10:58:22 PM
+
+Help Sheet 3: Healing an Exile 4. Accessing and Witnessing Childhood Origins Ask the exile to show you an image or a memory of when it learned to feel this way in childhood. Ask the exile how this made it feel. Check to make sure the part has shown you everything it wants to be witnessed. After witnessing, check to see if the exile believes that you understand how bad it was. 5. Reparenting an Exile Bring yourself (as Self) into the childhood situation and ask the exile what it needs from you to heal it or change what happened; then give that to the exile through your internal imagination. Check to see how the exile is responding to the reparenting. If it can’t sense you or isn’t taking in your caring, ask why and work with that. 6: Retrieving an Exile One of the things the exile may need is to be taken out of the childhood situation and brought into a place with it can feel safe and comfortable. You can bring it into some place in your present life, your body, or an imaginary place. 7. Unburdening an Exile Name the burdens (painful feelings or negative beliefs) that the exile is carrying. Ask the exile if it wants to release the burdens and if it is ready to do so. If it doesn’t want to, ask what it is afraid would happen if it let go of them. Then handle those fears. How does the exile carry the burdens in or on its body? What would the exile like to release the burdens to? Light, water, wind, earth, fire, or anything else. Once the burdens are gone, notice what positive qualities or feelings arise in the exile. 8. Releasing the Protective Role Check if the protector is aware of the transformation of the exile. If not, introduce the exile to the protector. See if the protector now realizes that its protective role is no longer necessary. The protector can choose a new role in your psyche.
+==========
+Poèmes saturniens (Classiques) (French Edition) (Verlaine, Paul)
+- Your Highlight on page 203 | Location 4008-4010 | Added on Saturday, November 16, 2019 7:54:16 PM
+
+Oui, le but de la Poésie, c'est le Beau, le Beau seul, le Beau pur, sans alliage d'Utile, de Vrai ou de Juste. Tant mieux pour tout le monde si l'œuvre du poète se trouve, par hasard, mais par hasard seulement, dégager une atmosphère de justice ou de vérité.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 251 | Location 4213-4216 | Added on Saturday, November 16, 2019 10:29:37 PM
+
+At the end of the session, ask the exile what she wants from you over the next week or two. Most likely, she will say that she wants you not to forget about her, to stay connected with her. This is very important. Check in with her every day over the next couple of weeks. Make a note to yourself to do this so that you don’t forget. If you do, it could undermine the good work you have just done.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 252 | Location 4229-4240 | Added on Saturday, November 16, 2019 10:31:59 PM
+
+Exercise: Reparenting an Exile in Real Time Choose an exile that you have already given reparenting to. Name of exile Original childhood situation How you reparented the exile You will continue to reparent this exile in real time over the next week. In order to be aware of when the exile is likely to be triggered, answer the following questions: What kinds of situations or people tend to activate this exile? When are these likely to occur during the next week? Set an intention to be aware of whether this part becomes activated during those times. There are also other ways to notice an exile. What body sensations, thoughts, or emotions will let you know she is triggered? When you notice that the exile has been triggered, take a moment to tune into her and find out what she is feeling and what she needs. Most likely, she will need the same form of reparenting that you have already given her in a session. This makes it easy to do because you already know what she needs. Give the exile the reparenting in the moment. Notice how she responds to this.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 253 | Location 4251-4253 | Added on Saturday, November 16, 2019 10:35:47 PM
+
+The burden is not intrinsic to the exile; that’s why it can be released. The IFS perspective is that the exile itself wasn’t created by the childhood incident—the burden was.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 254 | Location 4269-4270 | Added on Saturday, November 16, 2019 10:38:14 PM
+
+The part that experiences the traumatic incident in place of the Self can’t really handle it either, and it ends up wounded. It is left with a burden, a painful emotion or negative belief that tends to persist until it is healed.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 255 | Location 4281-4285 | Added on Saturday, November 16, 2019 10:41:28 PM
+
+By the time you reach adulthood, you will have a number of exiles, quite a few protectors, and some parts that haven’t taken on burdens—the healthy parts. They simply manifest their original qualities of joy, playfulness, strength, intelligence, and so on. The goal of IFS is to help all the exiles and protectors—all the burdened parts—release their loads so they can again become who they truly are and manifest their natural positive qualities.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 257 | Location 4319-4320 | Added on Saturday, November 16, 2019 10:47:20 PM
+
+Sometimes inner work can’t go further until you make external changes in your life, even though this might be difficult.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 258 | Location 4333-4335 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 5:47:38 PM
+
+has found that it is particularly meaningful to release a burden to one of the natural elements (air, light, water, fire, or earth), because that signifies that the burden is being carried away or transformed by something elemental and powerful, and therefore is permanently gone.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 258 | Location 4344-4345 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 5:54:32 PM
+
+Allow as much time as needed for this ritual to be completed until all of these particular burdens are completely gone from the exile’s body or as much is gone as can be released at this time. In my experience, this usually takes only a few minutes.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 260 | Location 4371-4374 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 6:01:10 PM
+
+At this point, you may be wondering: “Can it really be this easy to change a long-standing pattern of behavior or feeling? I can’t believe that all you have to do is have a fantasy of letting go of the pain. It can’t be that easy.” And, of course, it’s not. The unburdening ritual doesn’t achieve transformation all by itself; it only caps off the process. All the previous steps in the process are necessary and must be completed before the unburdening ritual will have the desired effect.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 260 | Location 4371-4378 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 6:01:31 PM
+
+this easy to change a long-standing pattern of behavior or feeling? I can’t believe that all you have to do is have a fantasy of letting go of the pain. It can’t be that easy.” And, of course, it’s not. The unburdening ritual doesn’t achieve transformation all by itself; it only caps off the process. All the previous steps in the process are necessary and must be completed before the unburdening ritual will have the desired effect. You must work with the protector(s) to obtain unimpeded access to the exile. You must develop a trusting connection with the exile and witness the original childhood incident. She must feel understood by you. You must reparent her and, if necessary, retrieve her. And the exile must be ready to release the burden. Only after all this has been accomplished can the unburdening ritual work. This ritual is really the culmination of this entire sequence of steps; it solidifies the whole IFS transformation process.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 260 | Location 4371-4378 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 6:01:36 PM
+
+At this point, you may be wondering: “Can it really be this easy to change a long-standing pattern of behavior or feeling? I can’t believe that all you have to do is have a fantasy of letting go of the pain. It can’t be that easy.” And, of course, it’s not. The unburdening ritual doesn’t achieve transformation all by itself; it only caps off the process. All the previous steps in the process are necessary and must be completed before the unburdening ritual will have the desired effect. You must work with the protector(s) to obtain unimpeded access to the exile. You must develop a trusting connection with the exile and witness the original childhood incident. She must feel understood by you. You must reparent her and, if necessary, retrieve her. And the exile must be ready to release the burden. Only after all this has been accomplished can the unburdening ritual work. This ritual is really the culmination of this entire sequence of steps; it solidifies the whole IFS transformation process.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 266 | Location 4480-4487 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 9:15:34 PM
+
+Exercise: Unburdening an Exile Do a session in which you unburden an exile. If possible, start with an exile that you have already worked with. If you don’t have one, start with a protector, get to know it, get permission to work with its exile, and proceed through the steps, culminating with the unburdening you have learned to do in this chapter. Use the Help Sheets to guide you. Exile What happened in childhood How that made the exile feel What form of reparenting you gave the exile If the exile needed to be retrieved, where did you take it? Burdens the exile carries Where it carries the burdens in its body What element the burdens were released to Positive qualities that emerged
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 268 | Location 4500-4501 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 10:16:04 PM
+
+Since the protector views its role as crucial in guarding the vulnerable exile or defending you from the exile’s pain, the protector must be aware of the exile’s transformation before it can let go of its role.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 34-35 | Added on Sunday, November 17, 2019 10:28:27 PM
+
+Un par un, le roman a découvert, à sa propre façon, par sa propre logique, les différents aspects de l’existence :
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 278 | Location 4673-4684 | Added on Monday, November 18, 2019 11:19:33 PM
+
+Exercise: Releasing a Protector Choose an exile that you have already unburdened, if possible. If you don’t have one, choose one that you have worked with to some extent, and carry the IFS process through to unburdening. Then re-access the protector of that exile and help it to release its protective role as you have learned to do in this chapter. Protector Protector’s role Exile Exile’s burden Is the protector now ready to let go of its role? If not, why not? If so, what new role would it like to play? Are there any parts that are uncomfortable with these changes? What are their concerns? How did you reassure them? When you imagined the external situation, what did you feel? Were any parts triggered? Does any future work need to be done?
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 279 | Location 4694-4705 | Added on Monday, November 18, 2019 11:22:11 PM
+
+Exercise: Follow-Up with the Protector Choose a protector that has released its protective role. You will be checking in with it during the week, whenever it is triggered. Preparation To help yourself be aware at those times, answer the following questions: What kinds of situations or people tend to activate this protector? When are these likely to occur during the next week? What body sensations, thoughts, behavior, or emotions will let you know it is triggered? During the Week In those situations in which the protector is usually triggered, notice whether or not it becomes activated. If it doesn’t activate, notice how you feel and act that is different than before. Appreciate the changes you have made. Celebrate your success. If the protector does become activated, check in to see what triggered it and what it is afraid of. Keep track of this so you know what additional work is needed in a future session to complete the transformation of this protector.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 292 | Location 4918-4919 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 9:34:48 PM
+
+Sometimes explorers don’t recognize which type of part they are working with.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 295 | Location 4966-4967 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:31:20 PM
+
+Before you start a session, be clear about what part or trailhead you want to focus on, and make a written note about this.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 295 | Location 4968-4969 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:31:32 PM
+
+It can be helpful to do your work out loud, as if you were speaking to someone. That makes it similar to working with a partner and serves to keep you focused.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 295 | Location 4968-4970 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:31:44 PM
+
+It can be helpful to do your work out loud, as if you were speaking to someone. That makes it similar to working with a partner and serves to keep you focused. You can even go a step further and record your sessions. This will not only help you stay focused,
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 295 | Location 4969-4970 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:31:49 PM
+
+were speaking to someone. That makes it similar to working with a partner and serves to keep you focused. You can even go a step further and record your sessions. This will not only help you stay focused, but the recordings can be played back for additional learning.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 295 | Location 4971-4972 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:32:23 PM
+
+Another possibility is to do the session in writing.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 295 | Location 4977-4978 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:33:01 PM
+
+Use the Help Sheet to keep you attuned to where you are in the process. After you complete each step, briefly open your eyes and check the Help Sheet to see what to do next.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 296 | Location 4980-4980 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:33:22 PM
+
+Another way to arrange self-direction is to have a “therapist part” that facilitates your
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 296 | Location 4980-4980 | Added on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 10:33:26 PM
+
+Another way to arrange self-direction is to have a “therapist part” that facilitates your session.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 304 | Location 5109-5111 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:45:46 PM
+
+In these situations, if you really listen inside, you will hear arguments going on between different parts of you. Even experiences like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, which at first glance don’t look like inner conflict, are often rooted in polarization.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 304 | Location 5116-5118 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:46:27 PM
+
+Polarized parts are often locked in an unending struggle that causes intense emotions and counterproductive behavior. Usually, both polarized parts are protectors that are guarding exiles, and sometimes they are even protecting the same exile using opposite strategies.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 304 | Location 5118-5120 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:46:41 PM
+
+With IFS, you get to know each polarized part and develop a trusting relationship with it, just as you would with any protector. This helps you to realize that you don’t want to get rid of either side because each of them has something to offer and each is trying its best to help you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 305 | Location 5130-5131 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:48:40 PM
+
+Since an Inner Critic part is a protector, it is actually trying to help you, as surprising as that may seem. This makes it possible to connect with a Critic from Self rather than fighting it, and this helps it to let go of its judgments
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 305 | Location 5133-5133 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:49:06 PM
+
+your Self that we call the Inner Champion, which supports and encourages you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 305 | Location 5132-5133 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:49:13 PM
+
+We have discovered that you can develop an aspect of your Self that we call the Inner Champion, which supports and encourages you.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 308 | Location 5186-5191 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:57:19 PM
+
+This allows us to see that the basis of all inner activity is love. It becomes an even more profound practice when we apply it to other people and their parts. Suppose we understood that everyone’s parts are just doing their best to protect against pain, and this is true even for those people and nations that are causing horrible suffering in the world. This challenges our judgmental and separating attitudes and encourages us to experience our inherent connection with all people and all beings. It doesn’t blind us to destructive and hateful actions, but it does open our hearts to compassion, loving kindness, and universal love.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 309 | Location 5196-5201 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 11:02:35 PM
+
+For example, though you perform a certain meditation to cultivate loving kindness, you must also transform your judgmental protector so that you can actually relate to people in a loving way. You may feel loving kindness when you are in comfortable, unthreatening circumstances, but if someone dismisses you or attacks you, the judgmental protector will be triggered, interfering with your intention to be kind. To fully liberate loving kindness, you must help the judgmental protector to let go of its role (which usually means first unburdening the exile that is being protected). Once this has happened, you can fully reap the fruits of your meditation practice. Loving kindness can manifest naturally at those moments in your life when it is needed because nothing is in the way.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 311 | Location 5224-5234 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 11:11:06 PM
+
+This is a summary of all the steps of the IFS procedure. It is meant to guide your steps while you are working on yourself or partnering with someone. 1. Getting to Know a Protector P1. Accessing a Part If the part is not activated, imagine yourself in a recent situation when the part was activated. Sense the part in your body or evoke an image of the part. P2. Unblending Target Part Check to see if you are charged up with the part’s emotions or caught up in its beliefs right now. If so, you are blended. Check to see how you feel toward the target part right now. If you can’t tell, you may be blended. If you are blended with the target part, here are some options for unblending. Ask the part to separate from you so you can get to know it. Move back internally to separate from the part. See an image of the part at a distance from you or draw the part. Visualize the part in a room to provide a container for it.
+==========
+Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy (Earley, Jay)
+- Your Highlight on page 311 | Location 5223-5234 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 11:11:21 PM
+
+Help Sheet for the IFS Process This is a summary of all the steps of the IFS procedure. It is meant to guide your steps while you are working on yourself or partnering with someone. 1. Getting to Know a Protector P1. Accessing a Part If the part is not activated, imagine yourself in a recent situation when the part was activated. Sense the part in your body or evoke an image of the part. P2. Unblending Target Part Check to see if you are charged up with the part’s emotions or caught up in its beliefs right now. If so, you are blended. Check to see how you feel toward the target part right now. If you can’t tell, you may be blended. If you are blended with the target part, here are some options for unblending. Ask the part to separate from you so you can get to know it. Move back internally to separate from the part. See an image of the part at a distance from you or draw the part. Visualize the part in a room to provide a container for it.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 204-206 | Added on Thursday, November 21, 2019 11:23:18 PM
+
+L’esprit du roman est l’esprit de complexité. Chaque roman dit au lecteur : « Les choses sont plus compliquées que tu ne le penses. » C’est la vérité éternelle du roman mais qui se fait de moins en moins entendre dans le vacarme des réponses simples et rapides qui précèdent la question et l’excluent.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 282-285 | Added on Friday, November 22, 2019 10:48:27 PM
+
+Faussement mondiale. Elle ne concernait que l’Europe, et encore pas toute l’Europe. Mais l’adjectif « mondial » exprime d’autant plus éloquemment la sensation d’horreur devant le fait que, désormais, rien de ce qui se passe sur la planète ne sera plus affaire locale, que toutes les catastrophes concernent le monde entier et que, par conséquent, nous sommes de plus en plus déterminés de l’extérieur, par les situations auxquelles personne ne peut échapper et qui, de plus en plus, nous font ressembler les uns aux autres.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 377-377 | Added on Saturday, November 23, 2019 11:27:24 PM
+
+Le personnage n’est pas une simulation d’un être vivant. C’est un être imaginaire. Un ego expérimental.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 520-521 | Added on Monday, November 25, 2019 11:11:26 PM
+
+roman. Le romancier n’est ni historien ni prophète : il est explorateur de l’existence.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 520-521 | Added on Monday, November 25, 2019 11:11:31 PM
+
+Le romancier n’est ni historien ni prophète : il est explorateur de l’existence.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 722-727 | Added on Friday, November 29, 2019 10:58:19 PM
+
+Je pense aussi à ces hécatombes quotidiennes sur les routes, à cette mort qui est aussi affreuse que banale et qui ne ressemble ni au cancer ni au sida car, œuvre non pas de la nature mais de l’homme, elle est une mort quasi volontaire. Comment ne nous frappe-t-elle pas de stupeur, ne bouleverse-t-elle pas notre vie, ne nous incite-t-elle pas à d’énormes réformes ? Non, elle ne nous frappe pas de stupeur car, comme Pasenow, nous avons un pauvre sens du réel, et cette mort, dissimulée sous le masque d’une belle voiture, représente, en fait, dans la sphère surréelle des symboles, la vie ; souriante, elle se confond avec la modernité, la liberté, l’aventure,
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 743-745 | Added on Friday, November 29, 2019 11:01:21 PM
+
+alors que la poésie ou la philosophie ne sont pas en mesure d’intégrer le roman, le roman est capable d’intégrer et la poésie et la philosophie sans perdre pour autant rien de son identité caractérisée précisément (il suffit de se souvenir de Rabelais et de Cervantes) par la tendance à embrasser d’autres genres, à absorber les savoirs philosophique et scientifique.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1056-1076 | Added on Thursday, December 5, 2019 10:42:22 PM
+
+composer un roman c’est juxtaposer différents espaces émotionnels, et que c’est là, selon moi, l’art le plus subtil d’un romancier. C. S. : Votre éducation musicale a-t-elle beaucoup influencé votre écriture ? M. K. : Jusqu’à vingt-cinq ans, j’étais beaucoup plus attiré par la musique que par la littérature. La meilleure chose que j’ai faite alors fut une composition pour quatre instruments : piano, alto, clarinette et batterie. Elle préfigurait presque caricaturalement l’architecture de mes romans dont, à l’époque, je ne soupçonnais même pas l’existence future. Cette Composition pour quatre instruments est divisée, figurez-vous, en sept parties ! Comme c’est le cas dans mes romans, l’ensemble est composé de parties formellement très hétérogènes (jazz ; parodie d’une valse ; fugue ; choral ; etc.) et dont chacune a une orchestration différente (piano, alto ; piano solo ; alto, clarinette, batterie ; etc.). Cette diversité formelle est équilibrée par une très grande unité thématique : du commencement jusqu’à la fin sont élaborés seulement deux thèmes : A et B. Les trois dernières parties sont basées sur une polyphonie que j’ai considérée à l’époque comme très originale : l’évolution simultanée de deux thèmes différents et émotionnellement contradictoires ; par exemple, dans la dernière partie : on répète sur un magnétophone l’enregistrement du troisième mouvement (le thème A conçu comme un choral solennel pour clarinette, alto, piano) tandis que, en même temps, la batterie et la trompette (le clarinettiste devait échanger sa clarinette contre une trompette) interviennent avec une variation (dans le style « barbaro ») du thème B. Et encore une curieuse ressemblance : c’est dans la sixième partie qu’apparaît pour une seule fois un nouveau thème, C, tout à fait comme Kostka de La Plaisanterie ou le quadragénaire de La vie est ailleurs. Je vous raconte tout cela pour vous montrer que la forme d’un roman, sa « structure mathématique », n’est pas quelque chose de calculé ; c’est un impératif inconscient, une obsession. Autrefois, j’ai même pensé que cette forme qui m’obsède était une sorte de définition algébrique de ma propre personne mais, un jour, il y a quelques années, en me penchant plus attentivement sur le quatuor op. 131 de Beethoven, j’ai dû abandonner cette conception narcissique et subjective de la forme. Regardez : Premier mouvement : lent ; forme de fugue ; 7,21 minutes. Deuxième mouvement : rapide ; forme inclassable ; 3,26 mn. Troisième mouvement :
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1056-1057 | Added on Thursday, December 5, 2019 10:42:55 PM
+
+composer un roman c’est juxtaposer différents espaces émotionnels, et que c’est là, selon moi, l’art le plus subtil d’un romancier.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1125-1126 | Added on Friday, December 6, 2019 11:06:33 PM
+
+Le divertissement n’exclut d’ailleurs nullement la gravité.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1213-1215 | Added on Saturday, December 7, 2019 10:56:35 PM
+
+une blague n’est drôle que pour ceux qui sont devant l’aquarium ; le kafkaïen, par contre, nous emmène à l’intérieur, dans les entrailles d’une blague, dans l’horrible du comique.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1373-1374 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 2:07:58 PM
+
+le poète au service d’une autre vérité que celle qui est à découvrir (qui est éblouissement) est un faux poète.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1432-1433 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:06:44 PM
+
+Tous ceux qui exaltent le vacarme mass-médiatique, le sourire imbécile de la publicité, l’oubli de la nature, l’indiscrétion élevée au rang de vertu, il faut les appeler : collabos du moderne.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1434-1435 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:07:15 PM
+
+nous offrant la belle illusion de la grandeur humaine, le tragique nous apporte une consolation. Le comique est plus cruel : il nous révèle brutalement l’insignifiance de tout.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1434-1435 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:07:21 PM
+
+En nous offrant la belle illusion de la grandeur humaine, le tragique nous apporte une consolation. Le comique est plus cruel : il nous révèle brutalement l’insignifiance de tout.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1436-1437 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:08:04 PM
+
+Les vrais génies du comique ne sont pas ceux qui nous font rire le plus, mais ceux qui dévoilent une zone inconnue du comique.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1443-1444 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:08:48 PM
+
+On reconnaît une bonne traduction non pas à sa fluidité mais à toutes ces formules insolites et originales que le traducteur a eu le courage de conserver et de défendre.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1470-1473 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:12:56 PM
+
+La beauté d’un mot ne réside pas dans l’harmonie phonétique de ses syllabes, mais dans les associations sémantiques que sa sonorité éveille. De même qu’une note frappée au piano est accompagnée de sons harmoniques dont on ne se rend pas compte mais qui résonnent avec elle, de même chaque mot est entouré d’un cortège invisible d’autres mots qui, à peine perceptibles, corésonnent.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1484-1485 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:15:54 PM
+
+Européen : celui qui a la nostalgie de l’Europe.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1526-1529 | Added on Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:22:20 PM
+
+On sort de l’enfance sans savoir ce qu’est la jeunesse, on se marie sans savoir ce que c’est que d’être marié, et même quand on entre dans la vieillesse, on ne sait pas où l’on va : les vieux sont des enfants innocents de leur vieillesse. En ce sens, la terre de l’homme est la planète de l’inexpérience.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1714-1715 | Added on Tuesday, December 10, 2019 10:22:18 PM
+
+ROMAN. La grande forme de la prose où l’auteur, à travers des ego expérimentaux (personnages), examine jusqu’au bout quelques thèmes de l’existence.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1783-1784 | Added on Wednesday, December 11, 2019 6:09:06 PM
+
+Trahir, c’est sortir du rang et partir dans l’inconnu.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1802-1803 | Added on Wednesday, December 11, 2019 6:12:44 PM
+
+Dans l’euphorie de leur vie uniforme, les gens ne voient plus l’uniforme qu’ils portent.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1800-1803 | Added on Wednesday, December 11, 2019 6:12:56 PM
+
+Depuis Kafka, grâce aux grands appareils qui calculent et planifient la vie, l’uniformisation du monde a avancé énormément. Mais quand un phénomène devient général, quotidien, omniprésent, on ne le distingue plus. Dans l’euphorie de leur vie uniforme, les gens ne voient plus l’uniforme qu’ils portent.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1822-1823 | Added on Wednesday, December 11, 2019 6:28:51 PM
+
+c’est seulement quand il est âgé que l’homme peut ignorer l’opinion du troupeau, l’opinion du public et de l’avenir.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1844-1846 | Added on Wednesday, December 11, 2019 6:44:30 PM
+
+Tous les vrais romanciers sont à l’écoute de cette sagesse supra-personnelle, ce qui explique que les grands romans sont toujours un peu plus intelligents que leurs auteurs. Les romanciers qui sont plus intelligents que leurs œuvres devraient changer de métier.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1860-1861 | Added on Wednesday, December 11, 2019 10:23:20 PM
+
+c’est précisément en perdant la certitude de la vérité et le consentement unanime des autres que l’homme devient individu.
+==========
+L’art du roman (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1916-1917 | Added on Wednesday, December 11, 2019 10:29:29 PM
+
+Le kitsch, c’est la traduction de la bêtise des idées reçues dans le langage de la beauté et de l’émotion. Il nous arrache des larmes d’attendrissement sur nous-mêmes, sur les banalités que nous pensons et sentons.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 41-41 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:11:48 PM
+
+worries often say more about the worrier than about the world.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 43-43 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:12:06 PM
+
+Worries are connected to imagination and
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 43-44 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:12:12 PM
+
+Worries are connected to imagination and the emotions, not just to what is happening here and now.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 89-90 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:18:11 PM
+
+We make progress in our lives when we turn anxieties into specific questions.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 76-77 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:18:51 PM
+
+Worries about money tend to fall into four big groups:
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 77-77 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:18:56 PM
+
+Without it my life is going to have lots of pains and hassles.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 78-79 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:19:02 PM
+
+Money will force me to spend a lot of my life just making enough to get by.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 82-82 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:19:09 PM
+
+I’ll miss out on the good things that I long for.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 85-85 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:19:14 PM
+
+Money is like a virus.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 90-94 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:19:43 PM
+
+Money worries occur because we cannot give accurate enough answers to the underlying questions: 1. What do I need money for? That is, what is important to me? 2. How much money do I need to do that? 3. What is the best way for me to get that money? 4. What are my economic responsibilities to other people?
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 113-114 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:27:43 PM
+
+This worry, it turns out, is not really to do with the car itself. Rather, it is to do with imagination and social relations.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 113-116 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:27:59 PM
+
+This worry, it turns out, is not really to do with the car itself. Rather, it is to do with imagination and social relations. So, what exactly am I worrying about? On reflection, it emerges that I’m worried about not taking care of things properly. If I’d looked after the car properly, it could still be in fine condition. Then I wouldn’t worry about it being ten years old and an average make.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 135-137 | Added on Friday, December 13, 2019 11:28:21 PM
+
+My worries, here, are clearly only in part about money. They are also worries about being liked, about the well-being of my children, about my relationship with my secret hopes of fulfilment and achievement, and about the coherence of my life.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 147-149 | Added on Saturday, December 14, 2019 11:06:49 PM
+
+trying to solve all your money worries by addressing the quantity of money – either by increasing it or managing with less – isn’t the ideal strategy. What is key is addressing your relationship with money and the feelings you have about it.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 174-175 | Added on Saturday, December 14, 2019 11:10:49 PM
+
+Angst is unavoidable. Money is such an important theme in life that we should worry about it. The goal is not to avoid all anxious or sobering thoughts about money.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 177-181 | Added on Saturday, December 14, 2019 11:11:34 PM
+
+Worry is a name for mental effort: ideally one wants to worry more insightfully and more purposefully. The aim of adult life, one might say, is to worry well. We worry about things that matter; worry implies care. So: how much should you care about money? In what ways should you care about money? And for what reasons should you care about money? Should you feel fearful of money? Self-knowledge, skill and courage – the true antidotes to fear – do not make danger go away. They enable us to live a more flourishing life, despite the existence of danger.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 273-275 | Added on Saturday, December 14, 2019 11:25:20 PM
+
+deep down, very often money is not money. It is proof of goodness; it is the cause of evil; it is victory over a rival; it is the path to love; it is guarantor of sexual pleasure; it is poison; it is the death of childhood.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 326-328 | Added on Sunday, December 15, 2019 10:22:01 PM
+
+To cultivate self-awareness you need to examine the key episodes of your private money history. Are you proud of yourself in relation to money? When have you been most humiliated or embarrassed about money? How did you feel about the people who were around at that time? How has money figured in your relationships? Did your upbringing encourage a healthy attitude towards money?
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 398-399 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 10:54:47 PM
+
+Money is essentially a means of exchange. It’s the middle-man that our ancient systems of barter required in order to function. Money in itself is abstract. Pretty much anything can become money and money can become pretty much anything.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 416-418 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 10:56:39 PM
+
+ultimately the task in life is to translate efforts and activities that are inherently worthwhile into possessions and experiences that are themselves of lasting and true value. That is the ideal money cycle.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 418-421 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 10:57:35 PM
+
+Our relationship with money becomes unhealthy when we remove it from this cycle. That happens when we stop seeing money as potential possessions and experiences – but rather see possessions and experiences as potential money. That’s the situation of the person who does not see a painting, but only a price; who does not see an education, but only earning potential. And it happens when we see our activities just as ways of making money and not as activities to be evaluated for their inherent worth.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 428-430 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:00:36 PM
+
+We are talking about a psychological matter here. It is a question of attitude. In a person’s mind, is a house primarily a home and secondarily an economic vehicle? Or is it primarily an economic concern and secondarily a place where life is lived? I think it is clear which attitude is better.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 443-445 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:03:24 PM
+
+Money can indeed buy things that make you feel serene: the plush hotel room, the country cottage. But there are many possible sources of serenity, such as a good temperament, stable relationships, taking physical exercise, possessing a religious belief, listening to music, that have no fixed relationship with money.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 447-449 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:04:27 PM
+
+money can purchase the symbols but not the causes of serenity and buoyancy. In a straightforward way we must agree that money cannot buy happiness.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 456-458 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:06:05 PM
+
+A good life is still a life. It must involve its full share of suffering, loneliness, disappointment and coming to terms with one’s own mortality and the deaths of those one loves. To live a life that is good as a life involves all this.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 458-459 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:06:50 PM
+
+Flourishing captures what we actually aspire to: the best use of our capacities and abilities; involvement in things we take to be worthwhile; the formation and expression of one’s best self.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 459-461 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:07:02 PM
+
+That’s why flourishing is a more accurate term than happiness for what we want from life.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 464-465 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:08:04 PM
+
+What money is really good at is enabling action and allowing us to obtain material possessions. Money is a source of power and influence.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 468-469 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:08:22 PM
+
+Potentially, flourishing continues to rise as money increases – the line does not flatten off as it does in the money/happiness graph we looked at before.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 473-474 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:09:11 PM
+
+Money brings about good consequences – helps us live valuable lives – only when joined with ‘virtues’.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 522-523 | Added on Monday, December 16, 2019 11:17:21 PM
+
+The goal of a relationship is that both people flourish together. And because money is a crucial ingredient in flourishing, it is a crucial ingredient in marriage.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 568-571 | Added on Tuesday, December 17, 2019 11:22:38 PM
+
+Instead of dismissing this kind of experience as just fantasy, or endlessly repeating it, one should examine it, learn from it. Not rejecting it means, to start with, accepting a bit of pain. I’ve imagined something genuinely good and I can’t have it. I’m not going to tell myself that it isn’t good, simply because I can’t have it. This sentiment of rejection emerges – a bit crudely
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 568-571 | Added on Tuesday, December 17, 2019 11:22:45 PM
+
+Instead of dismissing this kind of experience as just fantasy, or endlessly repeating it, one should examine it, learn from it. Not rejecting it means, to start with, accepting a bit of pain. I’ve imagined something genuinely good and I can’t have it. I’m not going to tell myself that it isn’t good, simply because I can’t have it.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 597-599 | Added on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 10:29:54 PM
+
+What matters is what lies behind them: the sense of serenity; the cosiness; the ideas of accomplishment and competence, good organization and a warm family life. Our modern novelist might end up writing about a group
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 597-598 | Added on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 10:29:59 PM
+
+What matters is what lies behind them: the sense of serenity; the cosiness; the ideas of accomplishment and competence, good organization and a warm family life.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 603-605 | Added on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 10:30:52 PM
+
+when you analyse what’s really speaking to you, it often turns out that it’s not really a desire for more wealth but the idea of escaping some of the more mundane parts of your current life; that feeling of ‘starting afresh’ and being a slightly different, slightly better person.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 621-621 | Added on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 10:35:14 PM
+
+Ideally, the right income is that which allows us to meet our true needs.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 631-633 | Added on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 10:37:19 PM
+
+Ask yourself ‘How good will it be for me to have this thing in my life?’ In other words, the need/want distinction goes right to the heart of questions about identity, ethics and the meaning of life. You can’t address money properly unless you think about these things seriously.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 646-649 | Added on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 10:39:03 PM
+
+It is important to understand that ‘need/want’ does not map onto ‘basic/refined’ or ‘cheap/luxurious’. And for powerful reasons. ‘Need/want’ is a psychological distinction relative to individual flourishing and the pursuit of one’s best self. ‘Basic/refined’ is a distinction about the level of complexity of an object. ‘Cheap/expensive’ is a distinction to do with price and demand.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 649-651 | Added on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 10:39:36 PM
+
+we have to work out our needs first, without reference to price. It’s entirely possible that you may not be able to afford certain things you need. It is also possible that, even when something is affordable and wanted, it might still be a bad idea to purchase it.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 671-672 | Added on Thursday, December 19, 2019 11:14:29 PM
+
+Higher needs are often met in indirect ways. What we really need is time, mental space, understanding, a level of engagement with the minds and lives of
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 692-694 | Added on Thursday, December 19, 2019 11:19:11 PM
+
+If someone has high status because they are wise, generous, sensitive to beauty and bring out the best in others – then absolutely their high status is deserved. If we envy those qualities in them, and therefore seek to acquire them ourselves, then envy is playing a productive role in life.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 702-703 | Added on Thursday, December 19, 2019 11:21:32 PM
+
+Status anxiety feeds money worries.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 707-708 | Added on Thursday, December 19, 2019 11:22:41 PM
+
+Try to describe what you actually need in order to live a flourishing life – including taking responsibility for others.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 742-744 | Added on Thursday, December 19, 2019 11:30:43 PM
+
+Then ask: What wants do I have that are, in fact, less central to my long-term well-being? It can be painful making these decisions. They require downgrading certain wants and leaving them unfulfilled. But that is the price of concentrating money resources in the most important places.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 747-748 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 10:51:59 PM
+
+Price is a public matter – a negotiation between supply and demand.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 750-751 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 10:52:11 PM
+
+Value, on the other hand, is a personal, ethical and aesthetic judgement – assigned finally by individuals, and founded on their perceptiveness, wisdom and character
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 758-758 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 10:53:34 PM
+
+Here are the secrets of these resourceful characters:
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 758-760 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 10:53:43 PM
+
+1. They know what is important in creating an experience and what isn’t. For instance, at a dinner party most people don’t really care what the wine is so long as it is drinkable.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 760-760 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 10:53:52 PM
+
+2. They don’t follow fashion
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 762-762 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 10:54:25 PM
+
+3. They have good taste: they can home in on what they really like and why they like it,
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 758-764 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 10:54:44 PM
+
+Here are the secrets of these resourceful characters: 1. They know what is important in creating an experience and what isn’t. For instance, at a dinner party most people don’t really care what the wine is so long as it is drinkable. 2. They don’t follow fashion – which inflates prices. They judge objects, ideas and people on their intrinsic merits (rather than on the reflection of their status – what others think). 3. They have good taste: they can home in on what they really like and why they like it, and therefore identify it in less obvious places and cases. 4. They are creative: they look at potential and are not worried about taking responsibility for realizing potential. They have the inner drive and flair to do this.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 912-913 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 11:19:34 PM
+
+There is a general worry here that ‘capitalism’ is a damaged system, but one that we are probably stuck with for a very long time. It often looks quite cruel and yet there is no clear path out of it.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 915-915 | Added on Friday, December 20, 2019 11:19:50 PM
+
+it seems too difficult to combine flourishing financially and being a good person. We worry that we can’t have both.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 961-963 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:10:03 PM
+
+So those who wish to see the flourishing of such matters have to engage with the marketplaces in which a culture is enacted. And commercialization is the name of that engagement.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 970-971 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:10:10 PM
+
+They have found a way of making the good flourish in the marketplace.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 984-986 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:11:45 PM
+
+A standardized hotel room, for instance, typically lacks soul. But that’s because it standardizes the soulless aspects of accommodation. With greater insight and skill we could standardize homeliness and intimacy.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1034-1037 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:23:38 PM
+
+Money can be made in really good ways. So we should always be asking how people made their money – not just how much they happen to have. When wealth is made by really serving the best interests of humanity, then the people who make money this way are our friends – in imagination, I mean. So you don’t have to be anti-money to be critical of many of the sources of wealth.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1045-1046 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:26:28 PM
+
+It’s not naive to think that you can pursue profit and do something inherently good at the same time. It’s just tricky – but that’s fine, work is about solving tricky problems.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1055-1056 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:28:16 PM
+
+The point is to equip oneself for a life of not being rich, but also of not longing fruitlessly to be so.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1058-1058 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:30:46 PM
+
+The rich-by-inheritance are prone to guilt.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1061-1062 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:30:53 PM
+
+These people are the natural targets of envy. They are continually confronted by people who feel ‘You have it easy while the rest of us have to slave away.’
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1077-1078 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:31:53 PM
+
+money does not liberate people in the way that we assume it must.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1072-1072 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:31:59 PM
+
+One should also note that wealth does not protect people from feeling envy.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1087-1089 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 10:58:55 PM
+
+The person who can afford to go out every day to lunch and drink two bottles of champagne has to refrain from doing so, if they are to have a decent life. So every day they have to fight off a temptation. Immediately the idea of lunch and champagne feels very appealing. But it leads nowhere. Every day they could jump in a plane and go off somewhere else: but to what purpose?
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1098-1099 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:01:11 PM
+
+Many people have more than enough cash to equal the achievement. But they don’t compete in this league. They underachieve, relative to their resources. Today’s equivalent might not look physically so grand.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1098-1099 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:01:19 PM
+
+Many people have more than enough cash to equal the achievement. But they don’t compete in this league. They underachieve, relative to their resources.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1124-1124 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:03:57 PM
+
+St Francis loved poverty because he loved something else: nature and simplicity.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1126-1127 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:04:13 PM
+
+by being distanced from the noise and striving of the great world one can see people and things as they really are.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1133-1133 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:06:29 PM
+
+if you do not care for the things that other people want your motives are true.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1138-1141 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:07:18 PM
+
+To be sure, just being poor is no guarantee that any of these benefits will accrue: they don’t attach themselves automatically where there is an absence of cash. Rather they depend upon a voluntary condition: a willingness to not have the things that most people do want. They come from not being afraid of lack of money. They depend, positively, on something else: inner security.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1146-1147 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:08:46 PM
+
+The point, here, isn’t that it is good to be poor. These examples are of very unusual men. The lesson they point to is that people become less concerned about money the more they are devoted to something
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1146-1147 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:08:50 PM
+
+The point, here, isn’t that it is good to be poor. These examples are of very unusual men. The lesson they point to is that people become less concerned about money the more they are devoted to something else.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1164-1164 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:11:09 PM
+
+there is pleasure to be found in simple things, once we stop resenting the fact that they are not grander.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1165-1171 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:11:59 PM
+
+Money troubles are really just about money – not about the relationship. If I have a heap of debts and bills and no money I’m in real trouble; and it doesn’t matter how interesting or mature my view of life is, or how imaginative I am, or how beautiful my taste. None of those fine qualities will help. I’ve either got to find more cash, or restructure, or go under. Our money worries are almost all about the relationship. They are largely about what is going on in our minds. And the solution – the way to worry less about money – turns out to be about improving what we as individuals bring to the relationship. We need to look at our own contribution. We need to become more imaginative, more patient, more attentive to the lessons of our own experience, more serious about the things we most care for, more canny, more independent in our judgements.
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1165-1172 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:12:20 PM
+
+Money troubles are really just about money – not about the relationship. If I have a heap of debts and bills and no money I’m in real trouble; and it doesn’t matter how interesting or mature my view of life is, or how imaginative I am, or how beautiful my taste. None of those fine qualities will help. I’ve either got to find more cash, or restructure, or go under. Our money worries are almost all about the relationship. They are largely about what is going on in our minds. And the solution – the way to worry less about money – turns out to be about improving what we as individuals bring to the relationship. We need to look at our own contribution. We need to become more imaginative, more patient, more attentive to the lessons of our own experience, more serious about the things we most care for, more canny, more independent in our judgements. But most importantly, we have to figure out  <You have reached the clipping limit for this item>
+==========
+How to Worry Less About Money (The School of Life Book 5) (Armstrong, John)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1234-1235 | Added on Saturday, December 21, 2019 11:20:42 PM
+
+ <You have reached the clipping limit for this item>
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 69-72 | Added on Sunday, December 22, 2019 12:23:37 PM
+
+Épicure, le premier grand théoricien du plaisir, a compris la vie bienheureuse d'une façon extrêmement sceptique : éprouve du plaisir celui qui ne souffre pas. C'est donc la souffrance qui est la notion fondamentale de l'hédonisme : on est heureux dans la mesure où on sait écarter la souffrance ; et comme les plaisirs apportent souvent plus de malheur que de bonheur, Épicure ne recommande que des plaisirs prudents et modestes.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 82-84 | Added on Sunday, December 22, 2019 12:25:45 PM
+
+la vraie grandeur de cet art ne consiste pas dans une quelconque propagande de l'hédonisme mais dans son analyse. C'est la raison pour laquelle je tiens Les Liaisons dangereuses de Choderlos de Laclos pour l'un des plus grands romans de tous les temps.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 363-364 | Added on Monday, December 23, 2019 7:24:33 PM
+
+Il y a un lien secret entre* la lenteur et la mémoire, entre la vitesse et l'oubli.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 367-369 | Added on Monday, December 23, 2019 7:24:40 PM
+
+Dans la mathématique existentielle cette expérience prend la forme de deux équations élémentaires : le degré de la lenteur est directement proportionnel à l'intensité de la mémoire ; le degré de la vitesse est directement proportionnel à l'intensité de l'oubli.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 379-385 | Added on Monday, December 23, 2019 11:00:50 PM
+
+Il y a la gloire d'avant l'invention de la photographie et celle d'après. Le roi tchèque Vaclav, au XIVe siècle, prenait plaisir à fréquenter les auberges de Prague et à bavarder incognito avec des gens du peuple. Il a eu le pouvoir, la gloire, la liberté. Le prince Charles d'Angleterre n'a aucun pouvoir, aucune liberté mais une immense gloire : ni dans la forêt vierge ni dans sa baignoire cachée dans un bunker au dix-septième sous-sol il ne peut échapper aux yeux qui le poursuivent et le reconnaissent. La gloire lui a dévoré toute sa liberté, et maintenant il sait : seuls les esprits totalement inconscients peuvent aujourd'hui consentir à traîner volontairement derrière eux la casserole de la célébrité.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 391-391 | Added on Monday, December 23, 2019 11:01:57 PM
+
+chaque nouvelle possibilité qu'a l'existence, même celle qui est la moins probable, transforme l'existence tout entière.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 662-665 | Added on Wednesday, December 25, 2019 10:10:52 AM
+
+plus ou moins déterminées par son apparence, par la beauté ou la laideur de son visage, par sa taille, par ses cheveux ou par leur absence. Erreur. C'est la voix qui décide de tout. Et celle de Vincent est faible et trop aiguë ; quand il commence à parler personne ne s'en aperçoit, de sorte qu'il est obligé de forcer et alors tout le monde a l'impression qu'il crie. Pontevin, par contre, parle tout à fait doucement, et sa voix basse résonne, agréable, belle, puissante, si bien que tout le monde n'écoute que lui.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 661-665 | Added on Wednesday, December 25, 2019 10:10:58 AM
+
+on pense toujours que les chances d'un homme sont plus ou moins déterminées par son apparence, par la beauté ou la laideur de son visage, par sa taille, par ses cheveux ou par leur absence. Erreur. C'est la voix qui décide de tout. Et celle de Vincent est faible et trop aiguë ; quand il commence à parler personne ne s'en aperçoit, de sorte qu'il est obligé de forcer et alors tout le monde a l'impression qu'il crie. Pontevin, par contre, parle tout à fait doucement, et sa voix basse résonne, agréable, belle, puissante, si bien que tout le monde n'écoute que lui.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 891-895 | Added on Wednesday, December 25, 2019 11:34:24 PM
+
+La façon dont on raconte l'Histoire contemporaine ressemble à un grand concert où l'on présenterait d'affilée les cent trente-huit opus de Beethoven mais en jouant seulement les huit premières mesures de chacun d'eux. Si on refaisait le même concert dans dix ans, on ne jouerait, de chaque pièce, que la seule première note, donc cent trente-huit notes pendant tout le concert, présentées comme une seule mélodie. Et dans vingt ans, toute la musique de Beethoven se résumerait en une seule très longue note aiguë qui ressemblerait à celle, infinie et très haute, qu'il a entendue le premier jour de sa surdité.
+==========
+La lenteur (Milan Kundera)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1292-1297 | Added on Friday, December 27, 2019 11:27:48 PM
+
+Dans une illumination subite, tout son passé lui apparaît non pas comme une aventure sublime, riche en événements dramatiques et uniques, mais comme la minuscule partie d'un fatras d'événements confus qui ont traversé la planète à une vitesse empêchant de distinguer leurs traits, à tel point que Berck a peut-être eu raison de le tenir pour un Hongrois ou pour un Polonais parce que, peut-être, il est vraiment hongrois, polonais ou peut-être turc, russe ou même un enfant mourant en Somalie. Quand les choses se passent trop vite personne ne peut être sûr de rien, de rien du tout, même pas de soi-même.
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 522-524 | Added on Monday, January 6, 2020 10:19:02 PM
+
+les choses ne pouvaient être autrement; car, dit-il, tout ceci est ce qu'il y a de mieux; car, s'il y a un volcan à Lisbonne, il ne pouvait être ailleurs; car il est impossible que les choses ne soient pas où elles sont; car tout est bien.
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1025-1027 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:27:41 AM
+
+s'écria: «—Nous allons certainement être rôtis ou bouillis. Ah! que dirait maître Pangloss, s'il voyait comme la pure nature est faite? Tout est bien: soit, mais j'avoue qu'il est bien cruel d'avoir perdu Mlle Cunégonde et d'être mis à la broche par des Oreillons.»
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1025-1027 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:27:48 AM
+
+Ah! que dirait maître Pangloss, s'il voyait comme la pure nature est faite? Tout est bien: soit, mais j'avoue qu'il est bien cruel d'avoir perdu Mlle Cunégonde et d'être mis à la broche par des Oreillons.»
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1161-1161 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 11:56:48 AM
+
+et vous pardonnerez sans doute aux usages du pays, s'il yen
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1243-1244 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 12:04:28 PM
+
+—Qu'est-ce que optimisme? disait Cacambo.—Hélas! dit Candide, c'est la rage de soutenir que tout est bien quand on est mal.»
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1400-1401 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 1:38:51 PM
+
+les fenêtres. Le clerc jura qu'on n'enterrerait point Candide. Martin jura qu'il enterrerait le clerc, s'il continuait à les importuner. La querelle s'échauffa; Martin le prit par les épaules, el le chassa rudement
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1472-1473 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 2:31:18 PM
+
+les unes sont des idylles en dialogues bien écrits et bien rimes;
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1943-1943 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:23:40 PM
+
+suis toujours de mon premier sentiment, répondit Pangloss,
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1943-1945 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:23:45 PM
+
+—Je suis toujours de mon premier sentiment, répondit Pangloss, car enfin je suis philosophe; et il ne me convient pas de me dédire, Leibniz ne pouvant pas avoir tort, et l'harmonie préétablie étant d'ailleurs la plus belle chose du monde, aussi bien que le plein et la matière subtile.»
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 1998-1999 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:28:32 PM
+
+Pangloss avouait qu'il avait toujours horriblement souffert: mais ayant soutenu une fois que tout allait à merveille, il le soutenait toujours et n'en croyait rien.
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 2034-2034 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:31:40 PM
+
+le travail éloigne de nous trois grands maux: l'ennui, le vice et le besoin.»
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 2033-2034 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:31:57 PM
+
+Je n'ai que vingt arpents, répondit le Turc; je les cultive avec mes enfants; le travail éloigne de nous trois grands maux: l'ennui, le vice et le besoin.»
+==========
+Candide _ ou L'optimisme (illustré) (French Edition) (Voltaire, by)
+- Your Highlight on Location 2043-2046 | Added on Tuesday, January 7, 2020 10:33:28 PM
+
+Je sais aussi, dit Candide, qu'il faut cultiver notre jardin.—Vous avez raison, dit Pangloss, car quand l'homme fut mis dans le jardin d'Éden, il y fut mis ut operaretur eum, pour qu'il travaillât, ce qui prouve que l'homme n'est pas né pour le repos.—Travaillons sans raisonner, dit Martin: c'est le seul moyen de rendre la vie supportable.»
+==========